Patience for the Patient
Jeff decided to surprise me last Mon night by running from his apt to mine. This is approximately an 8 mile trek and about the right distance he was planning on to get back into marathon training after a couple months off because of his summer class schedule.
I hadn't heard from him at all by Tues afternoon which was very unusual, so I called to see what was up. After a bit of prodding, he explained that his leg was hurting so much that it was making it difficult for him to concentrate as well as a little nauseated and dizzy, but he was going to ride it out as just really sore muscles. This was not acceptable to me and sounded like something much more serious, so I told him I would drive him to either the ER or his family doctor, and he could choose which.
We ended up at the family doc right before the office closed with the LPN deciding it was either a shin splint or perhaps a hairline fracture and a promise to refer us to an orthopedic specialist in the morning. Wednesday morning found us at the orthopedic specialist who took some preliminary X-rays that showed us nothing. With 99% of hairline fractures not showing on X-rays, this was not out of the ordinary, so he decided to send us along to the hospital Thursday morning for a bone scan. He gave us a scrip for an anti-inflammatory med, but told J. it was okay to bear weight on his leg.
Thursday was a very long day as we drove over to the hospital bright 'n' early for J. to be injected with radioactive material, drive home for a couple hours to let the material sink in, a half hour drive back to have the full body bone scan done, and then back home. In between, we went to see T. off on the bus, as it was his first day of school, and then back to school to pick him up for J's. usual weekly overnight.
We were back at the orthopedic specialist Friday morning, after dropping T. off at school, to get the bone scan results. At this point, J. had been walking on his leg for the past 4 days and after some Internet research and a lessening of the pain, had self-diagnosed with severe tendonitis. Unfortunately, this was not the case, and the doctor was so serious in describing J.'s bone scan as having 'very abnormal activity' which meant, at best, a severe hairline fracture and likely further damage like an actual crack in the bone. He immediately insisted J. stay off his leg and prescribed him crutches as well as a pneumatic cast that one of his nurses helped J. into before we left the office. Further, he said we would need a CAT scan at the hospital this week so we could know precisely what and where things were broken at and another follow-up appointment this Friday.
The doctor thinks it is likely that when J. first felt some pain in the area last April during the end of his last marathon, that was when the original fracture took place, and his continuing to walk and run on it during the last four months without it being looked at or taken care of further aggravated everything until finally he reached a breaking point, no pun intended, with his run Monday night.
At the same time that I feel closer to J. in some regards when it comes to being a team and trying to take up for his slack, J. is definitely not a good patient. I can certainly appreciate his frustration at being unable to do things as he usually does and having to put his marathon plans on hold, but he has taken up a 'woe is me' despondent attitude that certainly makes it more difficult on me when I am taking up for him and holding doors, driving, carrying groceries, loading dishes, picking up the living room, etc. He has said he appreciates all that I have done in the last week and that the problem is he hates being dependent on other people and needing help, but it is really wearing me out trying to take care of all his business as well as my own when we don't live together or share finances and with his mopey whining in my ear.
Hopefully, today was the 'rock bottom' of this whole business. He spent 8 hours sitting in his house and was 'too tired' to do anything but work a couple hours from home, watch TV, eat some snacks, talk to his mother and BFF on the phone, let the dog in and out, and research how to write jokes as a stand-up comedian on the Internet. Really?! In those 8 hours, you couldn't find 5 minutes to load the dishwasher... pick up your dishes in the living room... put the vacuum away?! He does walk around the house without his crutches and can certainly stand still for a few minutes to do those things, but instead, he moped around abt how much he can't do for himself anymore and how bored he is of sitting in the house. Basically, I've been doing all the chores at his house for the past week, and I need a break! There's certainly no one coming over to my house to help with my chores! The least he could do is try to be a little more upbeat as someone swoops in and does all the hard work for him so he doesn't have to figure out a way to do it himself that would be 5x more time-consuming and complicated. Sheesh.
I had to leave right after dinner as we got into an argument, and our arguments almost always 'end' with him becoming frustrated at our impasse and dismissing the conversation with 'Whatever.' or 'It doesn't matter anymore.' or 'I don't understand what we're talking abt anymore.' In the past, I would have just sat there and let him bully me into silence or acceptance by default, but this time, I gave it my best shot in trying to explain to him why I felt disrespected and when he continued to try to shut me down, I left. At the end of the day, all you have is your self respect, and as he always says, he wants me to stand up for myself and know how I feel, so I feel really good abt how it all went down. I think the only way he will ever learn that he can't bully me using his tried 'n' true salesman tactics is by continuing to stick up for myself and, when I feel I need to, removing myself from the situation as a very tangible consequence of his disrespect of my opinion(s).
In any case, I will continue to work on growing my patience with the patient, and hopefully, he will become less anxious and worked up when the doctor finally comes through with a specific diagnosis and definitive treatment plan.
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